Gray Area
by Aerialas
Summary: The War was over. The Trials were over. And Draco was hungover. Somehow he's not even surprised it's Harry Potter that saves him this time. Angst. Substance Abuse. Implied slash. Eventual Drarry.
1. Before: The Gray Area

**Disclaimer : The Harry Potter series is the sole property of JK ROWLING and a select number of Publishing Houses worldwide hold a limited amount of rights to its usage. I do not own nor do I make any profit from the writing and publishing of this story. The characters here-in are still hers. The idea behind the story is my own and as such is mine to do with as I please. Also, this chapter has not been beta-read, so I apologize ahead of time for any grammar and/or spelling mistakes.**

 **See the end for an Author Note.**

* * *

 **BEFORE**

Draco awoke to a dragon clawing down his chest.

Fire burned his eyes and acid clawed up his throat. He quickly lost the battle to keep his last meal down.

The movement to keep from drowning in his vomit only upended him onto hard marble.

"Happy Birthday, Draco," he said to himself.

The War was over. The Trials were over. And Draco was hungover.

Theodore had the most lavishly decorated house in their group. Much of Draco's childhood home had been ransacked by the Ministry and it was now a skeleton of its previous grandeur.

But that was probably besides the point. His parents wouldn't let Theo back into the Manor anyway.

Or anywhere near it for that matter.

Draco rubbed his cheek against the shag rug surrounding Theo's bed. And then spit up on it again. Greg's groan came from somewhere in the vicinity. He had lost the drinking game last night so was probably doing much better than Draco himself. Theodore had pre-gamed.

The dragon clawed down his chest and Draco had rarely felt closer to death then when he was trying to expel his internal organs. So much pain could only be reserved for those crossing into the next life.

But this was normal. Just another day. He lapsed into dry heaves. A simple wave of Draco's hand did away with the heated pile of sick.

He had become quite skilled with wandless magic and nonverbal spells.

What with not having a wand and all.

"I see you've come home."

His father looked much older after the war. His brief stint in Azkaban still showed in the hollow of his cheeks.

The dining room was a dull gray.

"Where have you been all week?"

Draco's sipped his tea. The elf had put in the firewhiskey he had requested. "I was at a friend's."

They all coped poorly. Those of them that were left. No one wanted to go back to Hogwarts in the Fall. Draco wasn't even sure he wanted to wake up in the morning.

"My mother's sending me to Durmstrang."

Draco glanced at Greg from the bottom of his glass. The fact that he could still see him meant that he needed another drink. "Good then," Draco said.

When he woke up in Theo's bathroom Greg wasn't there.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

Theo had just gotten out the shower. Water curled slowly down his lean frame. If Draco squinted he could pretend the brown hair was a darker black. "You got some firewhiskey?"

He picked up a bottle off of the bathroom counter and passed it over. The dragon's claws loosened its grip on his chest after a few swigs.

Theo didn't say anything when Draco pulled off his towel.

Neither of them ever saw Greg again.

His mother frowned at him as he went to his wing.

His father was nowhere to be seen. Probably holed up in his study.

A glass of wine had him drifting off to sleep.

The nightmares tore through him like a warring centaur. They eviscerated his thoughts and he didn't dare sleep. Didn't dare dream.

If he was quiet for too long he could hear the screams echo through the manor.

A concentrated effort to get to his feet found him apparating to his nightstand and crashing the candelabra onto the floor where it shattered and awakened the screams of the long dead. A quick swig of a pain potion later and he found himself in his study looking at a pile of naked bodies spread out upon his rug. His memory had placed several more people last night, but only three remained. The fit bloke with the dark hair that Draco had spent half of the night snogging was gone.

A bottle of firewhiskey was in his left fist.

The sunset looked gray from his perilous perch on his balcony. He leaned forward a little more. Just enough to where a stiff breeze would upset him. The fall would hurt if there weren't so many safety charms on the balcony. As it was, Draco didn't think he could jump even if he wanted to.

Even though he wanted to.

Perhaps he should move out of London. The skyline was never much to look at from his loft. It wasn't much better at the manor.

"Dammit Draco, we can't keep doing this."

He didn't remember going to Theodore's loft. He didn't even remember drinking another dosage of dreamless sleep potion. But when he let loose another bout of vomit into Theo's toilet, that's what it tasted like. Sick, sleeping potion and a couple shots of firewhiskey. As it turned out the burn coming up was just as nice as the burn going down.

It distracted him from the burn on his left forearm.

"Hey."

The pounding music echoed beautifully with the headache blooming from behind Draco's eyes. There was this bloke in front of him. Wild dark hair that looked like he had just had sex. "What's your name?"

The bloke leered at him. It made Draco feel like a piece of trash. "What do you want it to be?"

The dragon was back. Draco could feel the ache in his chest. Could hear a curse ringing through the cold stone of the bathroom, could feel the blood staining his white shirt.

There was a stranger in his bed and nowhere near enough liquor in his stomach.

"Who's Harry?"

In the daylight, the bloke's hair was actually red like a Weasley's. Draco threw up over the side of his bed. There was a trashcan there filled with ashes and scraps of burnt red paper.

His ears still rang with the Howls of the Wizarding World.

"How have you been?"

Draco nursed his cup of tea. It was really nothing more than Dreamless sleep potion with a shot of vodka. Daphne gave him the courtesy of pretending she didn't know this.

Draco didn't see how she couldn't. She had watched him pour both into the china. "Your mother said she visited you yesterday. I'm glad you're talking with your parents again."

Draco couldn't remember the last time he saw his parents' faces. Probably during the Trials.

"They're having a gala for the Battle of Hogwarts tomorrow. It will be the first anniversary."

Draco took a long drawl out of his cup. Once it was empty he simply grabbed the firewhiskey bottle.

"No one's seen Potter for a while, though. He might not even come."

The bottle didn't last long.

"Death Eater scum."

Pain blossomed across his body. He tasted blood.

Draco hit back twice as hard and fell over laughing. He was in hell.

"What happened to your face?"

Theo was always there with a couch to crash on and a bottle of liquor handy. "Birthday present," he choked out around the bottle.

It burned across his split lip.

He screamed.

Then he cried.

"It's over, Draco."

His mother's voice was thin and her hands frail as she pulled him forward into a hug. His father remained motionless at the base of the stairs. He looked dead. His mother looked tired.

When had they become so old and gray? "You're fine now."

Was he? He felt like he was dying the longer he stood in the atrium.

"Everything's going to be fine."

He stared at his plate. He wanted a drink. He wanted Theo.

"One day," Draco agreed.

That was the best he could offer his mother. She had this perfect dream of how it was all to go.

He had to hold onto it. For her sake.

"I'm fine again."

It was the lie he told his father after his eighty year old scotch showed up missing. No one believed him.

But he had to be fine.

"I'm going to America next month."

Theo hadn't wanted to drink. Just as well. Draco downed the entire bottle of scotch by himself.

His food had long grown cold.

"What are you going to do Draco?"

"I'm not going back to Hogwarts next term."

Draco wasn't either. He knew his parents expected him to, but he couldn't.

"We're too old for Hogwarts."

Draco didn't care. He was tired. Tired of pretending to be fine. Of waiting for everything to fix itself. It was too late. He couldn't be fine.

He just couldn't.

"Draco where were you?"

His mother's face had more lines than he remembered. She was so tired. He was too. "I went to see Theodore."

"That was yesterday."

His father's gaze was accusing. He felt the dragon's claws dig in further.

He needed a drink.

"You're lying. I can smell the alcohol over here."

Draco felt like hell.

He had taken a dose of dreamless sleep potion, but the taunting laugh of his aunt still broke through.

He threw back another dose and chased it with a swig of vodka.

Blackness overtook him.

"What's your name?"

Draco stared at the pale face in the mirror. It didn't answer.

"Say it," he hissed at it.

It was a dare really and a pathetic one. They both knew the answer anyway. The dark circles under its eyes looked like smudged eyeliner. He didn't remember wearing eyeliner last night.

"Say it."

A swig of firewhiskey.

"What's your name?"

A new batch of Dreamless sleep potion. Stronger than the last.

"Say it."

There is an interesting bruise blooming along his temple. It hurts when he licks the blood from his split lip.

"Malfoy."

The pale visage flinched in disgust. "Death Eater," Draco said to it.

He spat at the mirror. It opened its mouth and expelled everything it had consumed that day.

More dreamless sleep potion.

The nightmares came back. It was just as well, really. They lost the War, didn't they? He couldn't even remember what he had been fighting for.

Screams echoed through the halls chased by manic shrill laughter. Blood choked his senses.

"Looking for a good time?"

This bloke had green eyes but they were wrong. Everything was wrong.

"MISERABLE FUCKING DEATH EATER."

The red parchment was smoking and still it howled its venom in his face. "YOU SHOULD HAVE JOINED YOUR MASTER IN DEATH!"

I'm trying, Draco thought. Wasn't that enough?

"Draco. I can't keep doing this."

Theo's bathroom was such a nice shade of green. It shone like polished jade and was just as unforgiving. It cut like the Killing Curse.

"It's over."

Draco let out a sigh. His mother had stopped with her dream. It had long since expired in him anyway. He felt like he was dying.

The dragon's claws had torn a gaping hole in his side. Blood spilt out of his mouth and Theo wasn't answering his door.

It was Draco's birthday. They had to celebrate.

Where was he?

Draco needed to use his bathroom.

"Malfoy!"

A stinging hex caught him the face. The cobblestone was nice enough to cushion his fall. "Death Eater!"

His loft was empty.

A glass of dreamless sleep potion fixed that.

"Take your drink elsewhere."

Draco stared at the barkeep. He looked gray. "I'm a paying customer."

"We don't want your galleons here, Malfoy."

"Hey, you."

The music was too loud. The light too bright. The dragon's clutch too tight. And this bloke looked nothing like Potter. "Want to try something that will rock your world?"

Of course he did.

Theo still wasn't home.

"How much for a night?"

This bloke looked fit enough. With another shot of Muggle alcohol he even looked like he was wearing glasses. "How much do you have?"

Draco had run out of potion. Apothecaries didn't accept Muggle money.

"It's not much, but it's well warded."

He hadn't seen Pansy since the Battle. She looked just the same. Defeated.

"Draco are you going to even tell me what you're doing in Wales?"

He grinned.

The dragon tore out his heart. "Do you have any firewhiskey?"

He didn't know where he was.

This wasn't the apartment that Pansy had brought him to.

There were bottles riddled across the floor.

Piles of vomit near the window.

The walls peeled gray paint.

"Am I dead enough yet?"

No one answered.

"Hey buddy."

Draco tried to rise, but only succeeded in throwing up everything but his memories.

Too bad.

"How about we get you cleaned up?"

Draco looked up into bright jade green eyes.

They were perfect.

"Harry."

He didn't need the potion to fall into a dreamless sleep that time.

* * *

 **A/N: So here's the beginning of what I'm debating keeping going or leaving as this really weird and depressing one-shot. I've been on the fence about it for a week now so decided to post it anyway and just add more chapters if I get the urge. I have some ideas in my head on where it could go from here, but they're snippets of conversations and plot twists. And I would like to apologize to everyone reading this who is still confused on what in Merlin's name was that hodgepodge of writing. It's supposed to be really disconnected and skip around scenes a lot. It's actually a little neat when you get the passage of time down but in the same breath its really disheartening. If I do decide to continue on with this then I'll go over why I feel so in the next chapter's Author Note. If not then just go through the story again and keep track of the few mentions of Hogwarts and Draco's birthday. If you know the dates their talking about (which you should be able to tell easily enough) then you'll be well on your way.**

 **As a warning, the main pairing in this will eventually be Drarry (this of course depends on whether I actually continue it or not and even then, nothing explicit will probably happen so theoretically one could squint their eyes really hard and just imagine Draco was obsessed with Potter in this chapter and then they develop a really close friendship later on). Although Harry's present in the next chapter (theoretically) them as a pairing does not come into play for some time. If I get out longer chapters it will probably be a lot faster then if all the chapters were this length though.**

 **Not too many characters from the series show up early on outside of what you see here and then Draco and Harry next chapter. You'll understand why later on. But there is an OC who has some decent screen time. A Muggle. She's not prevalent to the plot at this time, but that might change. Harry will be some variation of OOC for some time, but I'll try to keep that to a minimum. Here's hoping. Draco I'm trying to keep as true to the infuriatingly smart and annoying git that he really is. Or that I remember from the books. I might re-read the series again to get more character reference, but that would take almost two weeks and I might throw a book when I get to Ootp because I never wanted to punch Harry Potter in the face so much then in that year.**

 **Finally, I will answer to all reviews (that are signed in). If you don't want the trouble of signing in at that moment, you can always submit it under your pen name and I'll try to find you on here and send you a PM. Otherwise, I might not respond. Any questions asked, however, I will try to answer in the Author's Notes at the end of the chapters (which will hopefully be much shorter than this one in the future).**

 **P.S. In case anyone was curious, a lot of the inspiration for this came from the song "Fine Again" by Seether.**

 **Bon Voyage.**


	2. Hallucination Potter: Part 1

**Disclaimer : The Harry Potter series is the sole property of JK ROWLING and a select number of Publishing Houses worldwide hold a limited amount of rights to its usage. I do not own nor do I make any profit from the writing and publishing of this story. The characters here-in are still hers. The idea behind the story is my own and as such is mine to do with as I please. Also, this chapter has not been beta-read, so I apologize ahead of time for any grammar and/or spelling mistakes.**

 **See the end for an Author Note.**

* * *

 _ **DURING**_

 ** _Hallucination Potter: Part 1_**

Draco woke without the dragon clawing at him. It had traded places with the mermaid's dry scream echoing in his head.

"How are you?"

He didn't remember meeting anyone recently. Nor did he remember getting a new place. This must be his mystery shag's apartment. "I'm not fine."

A snort.

It was such a small thing to recognize someone by, but Draco had heard that derisive snort so many times. It had been directed at him for all of his adolescent life.

Draco shot up. And promptly vomited over the side of the couch. He still had time to see the familiar mug of one Harry Potter. "What the fuck?" he croaked when nothing else came up.

Draco was in Harry Potter's apartment. It was too damn bright. Or he was hallucinating. Or in Hell.

"Do you need a fix?"

Draco wanted to glare at Potter, but he was so calm. So relaxed. Nothing like the real Potter. "I'm not high you wanker."

"Obviously not. Which was why I wanted to know if you wanted to be?"

Draco would have hexed the git if he could feel his fingers. Or find where Potter's wand was.

He had gotten high all of one time and the resulting crash back to reality had not been worth the brief respite.

Rather than tell Hallucination Potter that, Draco decided to slip back into his nightmares.

"Are you alive?"

He didn't look any less like Harry Potter in the dark. Draco's mouth tasted like cotton and vomit. A quick finger tap on his cheek had a fresh mouth charm clearing away the taste. When he looked back the bloke still looked way too much like Potter. "What's your name?"

 _What do you want it to be?_

The dragon still didn't return. "I'm Harry."

He passed out again just to spite Fate. Wasn't there some law against kicking a person when they were already down?

Fuck he needed a drink.

"He looks dead."

"Leave him alone Colette. He might bite."

"Is he a vampire? That would be hot."

There was too much light. "Potter," Draco croaked.

"He smokes?"

"I didn't think so."

Draco wanted to be sick. Nothing was forthcoming.

"Alright, up we get."

A groan split open Draco's head. The dragon wasn't back yet, but his body ached anyway. Potter looked fantastic though. Harry sodding Potter never looked good. Maybe Draco had already had something to drink.

"Drink this."

Draco glared at the cup but he wanted a drink so bad. When he threw the small plastic cup back it didn't burn going down. But it tasted like syrup and dragon's piss. Draco said as much. Potter laughed. Wanker.

"How long is he going to sleep?"

"Leave him be, Letty. We had a rough night."

"I heard."

There was silence for a moment before the woman's voice returned. "Who do you think Dumbledore is?"

"I have no idea."

The darkness was thick around Draco. He would have thought he was dead if he weren't so cold.

Merlin he wanted a drink.

Draco managed to sit up and look around. He had no idea where he was. Whoever owned the parlor had quite an extensive library. Books lined every shelf along the wall behind him and on the mantel of the fireplace to his left. The couch he had been sprawled across was quite large for the small space, but his 6'3" frame had fit on it comfortably and there wasn't much more he could have asked for at the moment.

Except for a wand.

And a stiff drink.

"Hey."

He jumped off the couch and reached for a wand he didn't have.

Harry Potter snorted. He made the sound just as much as Draco remembered. "What are you doing?"

Draco sounded like shit. He probably looked it as well. He sure felt like it.

"This is my apartment. You've been burning off whatever you took for the past nine days. I expect you just drank a lot by all the bottles but your withdrawals were severe. What else were you on?"

Draco was dumbfounded. Was Potter trying to help him?

"Look mate, the sooner we get you at a decent baseline the sooner you can get back on your feet. This is assuming you actually want to."

"Don't lecture me," Draco snapped.

This might be a hallucination Potter but he was just as annoying as the real one. "I'm not going to be fine just because Saint Potter decided he needed to save me."

Potter looked highly amused. "I didn't say you had to be fine."

He jumped off the counter and held out a cup. "Trying to poison me are you Potter?"

His hand remained in the air. Draco took it. He was pleased to note that the drink smelled like honey. When he drank it there was also lemon. "This is good. What is it?"

"Stomach calming draught."

Draco arched an eyebrow. Sure his stomach had calmed significantly, but Potter was on the moon if he thought Draco was going to believe that. "Aren't you missing crushed bezoars? And powdered root of asphodels?"

Potter shrugged. He was really too calm. Why was he so nonchalant? He had a Death Eater in his parlor.

Draco took another sip of the draught. It really didn't taste of anything but honey and lemons.

And Draco had long since trained himself in the careful identifying qualities of poisons the world over.

Which left it as a random act of kindness. Which Potter didn't just do for people named Malfoy. "You're being freakishly civil Potter. I almost expect to drop dead at any moment."

His amused expression gave birth to a grin. "Okay I'll bite. What is a potter and does it have anything to do with plants?"

Draco choked on his draught. He knew it was poison.

"Letty and I have a bet going, you see. I'm pretty sure its a slang term for someone so disbelieving you attribute their actions to a sort of high, like the type you get from smoking. She thinks it's a person."

A hallucination then. Draco was having one of those surreal dreams where he met Potter again and they just started over.

He hated those dreams.

He hated waking from them more.

"Hey you still in there?"

Draco glared through his coughing fit. This one was annoyingly realistic. Or rather just annoying.

"You..."

"Me."

If Draco glared any harder he wouldn't be able to see the git.

"What's your name?" Potter asked.

Draco flinched. _Say it!_ his thoughts commanded.

He had to swallow before he could speak around the lump in his throat.

"Draco."

 _Malfoy._

Harry arched an eyebrow as if knowing there was more to it. If this was a dream- one of those wretched, cursed dreams where he and Potter got to start over- he didn't want to start the same way.

"Black," he added.

Potter smiled.

"Draco Black," he said.

 _Death Eater._

Draco frowned.

"Cool name. You're far too pale for a name like Black Dragon though. You look more like a Regulus to me."

Draco couldn't help but stare at his hallucination.

"It means 'Little King'. It's actually a star in Leo."

Draco continued to stare.

"Leo is a constellation," Hallucination Potter said.

He finally snapped out of it at the amused upturn to Potter's mouth. "I know the constellations Potter or do you forget the namesake of the Black children?"

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Potter quickly added.

The fire blazing in the hearth filled the room with a cozy warmth that Draco wanted to slip into. If only he could silence the other half of his dream. "It is your name you twit."

"My name is Harry-"

"Oh yes, of course," Draco drawled out, stretching languidly on the couch. "'Ooh, ahh. Look it is the great and powerful Harr-"

"Harry Evans."

Draco froze mid stretch and carefully looked back up at Potter who was now leaning against the edge of the couch with a bemused expression. "Come again?" Draco said.

"My name," he drawled slowly and motioned to himself, "is Harry Evans. Nice to meet you."

Draco hated this dream.

* * *

 **Alright so this chapter is incredibly short. Shorter than the first one (prologue thingy). That's because this was just a good break for the story and I didn't want it to be way too long to wait for the next good natural feeling break. So there.**


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